When I first started running, it was simply about trying to be healthy, lose weight, and look a certain way. Little did I know that this training that I was about to embark on would forever change my life. Little did I know that I wasn't just training for races, but I was preparing for my life.
As I was going through my divorce and just going through life, I noticed that my running increased more and more and more. It was the excitement of embarking on newness, goals, aspirations, and an escape. I realized that I was running away from my problems. I didn't want to feel what I needed to feel. I felt that if I just kept running, I would feel better; in actuality, I was numbing the pain; I was numbing the inside feelings. The constant push that I was doing to myself eventually caused me to stop, and I was out of running for two years. Talk about having to feel everything. I was no longer able to use my running as an escape. I had to tackle this thing called my mind. I had to face what I was running from for so long. I had to finally be still. I had to come back to what I had escaped from which was my yoga mat. The practice that truly allowed me to feel. The practice that I could not only feel but release. I didn't want to feel, running allowed me to numb what I was feeling at that time. When I could no longer run it was a reminder that I couldn't keep running from my feelings. I had to face them, I had to finally allow myself to feel.
Now don't get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with having goals, having dreams, aspirations. But what is your Why? Always come back to your why? Always remember why you are doing what you are doing. It's okay to use the source of exercise to heal, but I also realized that you have to feel to heal. I realized that the very thing that we may think is helping us heal is actually becoming a coping strategy to not feel. That's why it is so important to always come back to your Why. Always come back to "Why" am I doing this exercise, yoga or movement.
Now I'm back to running again, but it's from a place of love this time. It's not from a place of running away. My why is different now, and I'm different now because I'm letting my Why lead me and guide me.
So, when you feel as if you are going through the motions of life come back to your life, come back to what is driving you- healing or escaping.
With love,
Felicia